Random thoughts…

 

Now I commence a journey again of discovering (or re-discovering) myself…

I think my greatest mistake has been dropping my pen…and now I live daily with the pain and shame of that singular action…I am not sure if I can atone for the wasted years but I will give it a try…no promises, no expectations but its worth the try…reminds me of the saying “He who is low needs fear no fall” yes, I am not only low but flat out on the floor, so how much lower than the floor can I fall?

 

I was watching Idols South Africa over the weekend and I remember this lady…Thabz is her name…I was indeed challenged by her in more ways than her rendition…he is obviously one of the more gifted among the top 18 remaining at this stage…but she made a big blunder in the performance…it perhaps won’t be a big deal if it was at an earlier stage…but at this crucial stage it was almost an ‘unforgivable blunder’ …I saw the look in her eyes…I still can’t define perfectly what it showed…fear is the closest word…she knew she had lost  it…her mistake? she missed part of the lyrics and she just could not raise the key and the song continued on a flat…for a moment I thought she will stop (she later confessed in the interview that she considered that option too). But she did not stop…she pushed it to the end…as soon as she ended she dropped her head in shame and the tears started flowing…needed to say, the judges told her what she feared most…her performance for that day did not live up to expectation…

 

Next day, they were addressed on who will make it to the top 16 (ended being a history creating top 18 as the judges just could not trim the number to 16 at this stage…that is how enormous the talent this year is!!!)…fast forward to Thabz turn…she walked in an sat…she has been crying all day already asked why she was crying…she minced no words in describing how terrible she felt over her previous performance and said its the first time in her 28 years that she is experiencing such she was deeply hurt because she knows what she can do, she knows her capabilities. She was crushed she has let her family and friends down by that singular performance and she said she is sure she won’t make the top 16…well the judges had some disappointing news for her…her fears won’t come to pass this time as they have also considered all her performances since she came in and not based their decision on one performance which means she had progressed to the next round and is among the top 16…

 

I can see you smiling…yes, but sorry to disappoint you guys…Thabz did not smile neither did she celebrate…she broke down and wailed she cried even more after hearing the good news( or was it good?)…now that is the point of my story…she realized she was given a second chance…though it did not right the mistake she made, she still had a chance to take another go….so in the same way I have also cried and cried and ruled myself out but the judge (I won’t tell you who *tongue out* ) has given me another chance and I am grabbing it with both hands…it does not mean my wasted yesterdays are all gone…no, but I am given another chance and I will get it right this time…

 

There is alot on my mind to write and I am determined to write it all down…a step at a time…this writing surely is therapeutic my friend Nuala said…I will soon write about my “unseen friends” Nuala tops the list…it has amazed me how friends who I am yet to meet in person have so impacted me in more ways than I can say…I will tell you about it…I am drawing a list and will begin saving…2013 I will target it to meet as many of these “unseen friends” as possible….now that is another story….another day…:-)

 

So it is a welcome to me…and to my mind, I am sorry for burdening you with so much…now is time to unpack, roll back the sleeves, pull my socks, dig in and work…:-)..

 

Phew!!!! First one down and out…I am smiling and wiping the tears…it’s a good feeling…refreshing and yeah…it is that yeah feeling…that yeah…..yeah!!!!

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