WALK ME DOWN THE AISLE SERIES : Episode 3: One of those times!! – 56 Days!

As my fingers click away on the keyboard and my eyes follow the sequence of letters that print out on the screen to form words that make up sentences which grow to paragraphs that eventually crystallized into this article, my mind is in a different spaces now…I am trying to join the dots and make sense of how it began, trying to weave a story out of it so I can use it as my Episode 3 or this series but I just failed to join the dots, there were no dots no join…If I picture can perfectly describe the state of my mind now is the picture of a duck on a pond. On the surface, it looks all calm and serene, but underneath the water the feet paddle furiously….yeah that’s me now.

Duck on a pond

I still can’t make a story of it but I will try say it as it is. Tendai and I had a bit of misunderstanding…it was nothing big but it still left me feeling bitter and upset. Tendai was telling me about some plans she had for the future, it involved some brilliant business ideas she plans to pursue, she wanted input from me in two aspects, first she wanted to know what I think of it, secondly she asked if I know of any potential source of funding she could exploit for the business.

Now a bit of background about the biz side of me. I am not in any way an entrepreneur. I am just not wired that way. What I think I am is an excellent manager or what I call secondary entrepreneur. Present me with an idea and I am you man to trouble shoot it and execute it to your specifications. Tendai seem to be the entrepreneur – one of the reason I love her really. As she talked me through the biz plan she mentioned she had done a lot of thinking about it and it was obvious…she had even made a potential move on an investor which looked promising.

It was obvious to me that she had invested a lot of thought into it and as I soaked in on everything she said and tried to think it through she popped the two questions…first that caught me off guard then my zero entrepreneur mind started to boot and come up with an answer…the first answer was easy and I told her it is a great idea and yes I believe it can work. Next question I told her what I thought and maybe that was not what she expected of my response. It was a short answer really, I told her I think we may be faced with a greater challenge getting funding because not many people or companies out there exist that will be keen to invest significant amount of money into a start-up biz. I said the risks are high and it will need a bit of re-strategizing.

She thought I was not supportive enough and my answer was too brief, I thought she was unreasonable I need some time to think and also research and I said that in few words before I felt upset and clamped my mouth and said no more. As I typed this we have spent half of the day not saying more than a few words to each other. I looked across to her on the sofa as she watched one of the many versions of master chef programs on TV. I don’t follow any so not sure which it was. I looked at her and though I still was bitter I still felt love for her. I looked at her and looked at my calendar and saw the reminder than it was exactly one month and 28 days left before she becomes my wife and my heart warmed up and I felt like walking up to her and gathering her up in an embrace to tell her how much I love her and how blessed I am to have her in my life but I quickly put off that thought and embraced my bitterness as I typed even more furiously, if only the keyboard can talk they would have complained.

As I reflect on what we were going through I asked myself will such misunderstanding occur again in future? yes I knew it would…I still have misunderstandings with myself and I will only be fooling myself to think no misunderstanding will come up again. This is one fact about marriage many may not realize or want to accept. Misunderstandings are part of any relationship even the best of couples do have their moments of misunderstanding. So I learnt something new from this latest experience. Misunderstanding does not negate love. The fact I was upset didn’t make me love Tendai any less. I would wish we never have to go through a misunderstanding again but I am grateful for the lesson I got from this instance. I am still convinced that come the 18th of April I will be as excited to take the vows and promise my eternal love to Tendai.

One more thing, Pride is a big giant which is always close by and when allowed can wreck utter destroy the happiness and joy that has been laboriously built with love over the years. For those periods I held to my bitterness and looked at her as she watched TV, I told myself I love her and wanted to reach out to her but pride held me back and I embraced my negative spirit. I now look back and regret those moments which could have been spent doing something fun together but now those periods have been lost forever…stolen by that thief called PRIDE.

Well, we are all cool with T now…. 🙂 yeah i could only be proud for so long…I rather love than get bitter…the doctor said that’s good for my health.

NOTE TO SELF.

  • Swallow your pride, never allow a misunderstanding drag longer than reasonable.
  • Look out for the positive in every unpleasant situation. Focus on the good and hold onto sweet memories.
  • The longer a misunderstanding is allowed to linger, the more complicated it will become and the more difficult it becomes to solve the misunderstanding.

SIDE NOTE

Have you listened to the song Sugar by Maroon5? Have you watched the Video? If you have not now is the time and well…that’s one song that must be on my wedding playlist. 😉

Advertisements

Walk me down the Aisle series. Episode 2 It’s Valentine again!! – 63 Days!

Happy Valentine friends, and welcome to the second episode of this series. I was thinking on what to write on that will speak the language of the day as well as address one of the issues I have encountered and experienced in the course of my relationship.

In my search, my mind went back to several months ago, perhaps over a year now. I remembered a post I saw on facebook and how it caught my attention…I could not remember exactly the words used so I did what have become like a habit of mine lately -I googled the bit of phrase I could remember from the post and waalaah!! It appeared. I read it again and still chuckled at the realisation that several months after, the quote still hard the same effect on me.

The quote is by Eric S. Gray “Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit! ”
I read it again and think…so much truth in so few words!

So as I celebrate Valentine this year beside the woman who I have invested little in yet have been reaping tons and tons of goodness, I take time to reflect in the blessing that she is to me and make time to appreciate her even more. But more than that, I also will look inwards and ask myself what can I do better than I am doing now? How can I invest in her even more?

So while I celebrate what is going to be my last valentine day as a bachelor, I continue my count down to the big day. As at today, we are 90,720 minutes away…it other words 1512 hours or 63 days! It is exciting and daunting at the same time (that’s how the heart of a man works), I am happy yet worried, I am looking forward to that day and 9 weeks doesn’t seem such a long time to wait especially considering all I have to get done between today and that day.

I will be spending most of today with Tendai. I however don’t think the day is more special than the rest. I also don’t think it is a day for two people. Love is a universal language and this day should be such, celebrating love and that includes with loved ones and also with everyone out there…this should not just be an activity of one day…it should be our live long calling.Today should be a reminder of that calling on everyone.

This day should remind us of our responsibility to make the world a better place, to show some love on a daily not just one day.

Walk me down the Aisle series I – 70 Days : Once a week for 10 weeks

I am about to take a plunge into a world that is unknown to me. I am about to embark on an adventure that will last the rest of my life. The feelings I have about the whole new life and what it holds for me and the future is a true cocktail of feelings…runs through the whole range from extremely excited on the one extreme to a little apprehensive at the other extreme.

In Exactly 70days I will be walking down the aisle with the one I love and call my “soul-mate”. I will be getting married to Tendai Musvuugwa( I will teach you how to pronounce that name though after 5 years of trying I still have not perfected it…I have to doff my cap to Zimbabweans)

This will begin a series of post I will be making over the next 10 weeks as I count down to this big day of my life. I will be addressing all the issues I have encountered and will encounter leading to this big day. I will also tell our story or rather some more of it…previously I had told you abit about us..if you missed it, you can read it here. I will also in addition to writing about my thoughts also share the thoughts of others I find inspiring or insightful on this subject. I will also share some of our pictures, some songs I love and more…it will be a new thing for each post for the 10 weeks leading up to April 18, 2015.

So why the big deal about writing anyway? well, because I want to write about it! I have seen a lot written about weddings and the married life but mostly by ladies so I thought I through in something different into the mix…and here you have it…a wedding and married life from the perspective of a man.

 I read somewhere that there are three most important days in a man’s life. The day a man is born, the day he gets married and the day he dies. Everyone gets the chance to experience two of these days – the first and the third. Others are privileged to experience all three. It went on to say of these three days, one stands out as most important…the other two are not as important and the reason being that on the two occasions(the first and last), one is helpless and can do little about the when and how of it.

The first day one is born you are an infant and totally dependent on others for everything, you also have no say in when or how you are born. On the third day when you die you also have no say and your body will be interred the way the loved ones you leave behind go about it. The 2nd of these three days however is most important because you are alive, an adult and call the shots on what and how things will be done. This therefore makes it the most Important of the three hence the need to cherish it most and make it as memorable as you can.

I am moved to agree with the story so I plan to have a great wedding and plan to enjoy every bit of it as I plan to have only one wedding so it’s a one shot at making it work for me hence the big deal about it.

WEDDING DAY

First interesting fact about is if you have not noticed is we are from different countries, different regions and traditions, same continent and share the same heart with a Love that’s tailor-made in heaven just for us. She is Zimbabwean and I am Nigerian. We met in Madagascar and now both based in South Africa! Now let that sink in…I will give more as the weeks roll by.

So for the wedding we decided to have two functions. One in Nigeria and another in the mother city – Cape Town. We wanted having the second function in Zimbabwe but really couldn’t pull it off for some reasons….ermmm let’s say being a Nigerian comes some with a lot of free add-ons and I have had my own share of it J. By virtue of our being an “international couple”(I wish I know what that means), we are expecting both functions to be a reflection of that. As at today I can confirm the wedding will have guests from over 13 countries spread over 3 continents!!

Ok…that is it for the first in the 10 week series…stay with me as I return next week with the next episode in the series. If you have any particular topic you will want me to address in the course of this 10 week marathon, You can drop a comment  and I am sure to address it.

That’s it for now folks….CheersMe and her