WALK ME DOWN THE AISLE SERIES: Episode 10: The finale – Ringed

How time flies hey!! The last time I made a post was April 6^th…in another two days it will be a full month!! And yeah this last 4 weeks will definitely go down as one of the most if not the most dramatic, event-filled and action packed month in my life.

This post is the final in the series. It was meant to me a countdown to my wedding…I missed one post which was supposed to come one week to the wedding and I initially thought I should post that now but again I thought why hold back? The aim of the series is the wedding anyways, why waste more time talking count down while I can as well talk about the big day?

So on the 18^th of April, I walked down the aisle and got ringed to the love of my life Tendai. It was a beautiful and well attended ceremony. It held in a small town called Gindiri about 120km from the city of Jos, Nigeria. This was followed by a second event in Cape Town which mainly was organized for the family and friends here who could not make the long trip to Nigeria for the wedding. The event in Cape Town was held on the 30^th of April and it was sandwiched by our birthdays with Tendai’s birthday on the 29^th April while mine came up on the 3^rd of May. Now you see what I mean by an event-filled month! 🙂 …yes I can’t dish out all the juicy details in one post so again take a chill pill, sit back and relax as I take you through another series…this time shorter  than the 10 episode Walk me down the aisle. In the new series titled “Through the eyes of the Groom” I will tell you about the wedding days (Nigeria and South Africa) and the “after drama”.

How does it feel to be “finally” married? Is one question I have heard many ask me a lot over the past two weeks. My response has always been two fold, maybe three fold, the first is non-verbal (A Smile), the second is verbal(It feels good) and the third is a silent and secrete response which is not seen by anyone because it usually is in my mind…In my mind I wonder why “finally”? It was no prolonged battle. It was just a matter of “when” and never “if”. But how can I start explaining that to the countless people who ask the question? I know it will lead to a long essay and sermon none of which I was ready for… 🙂

I am happy, I am married to one who I love and I know love me too so dearly…at this moment in time nothing else really matters. Every time I look at her, my heart warms up and I just smile, I know that come what may everything will be fine….and this is not a feeling based on some fleeting sensation of newlyweds, it is a deep conviction. I have known Tendai for 4 and a half years now and have seen enough of her to know she is right for me and these words I speak are borne from all the experiences of these years leading up to 18^th April when we stood before God, family and friends to profess our love and exchange marital vows that will bind us for as long as we have breath in us. That is my conviction. That is my feeling. That is where I stand. I love Tendai and she loves me too.

🙂 ❤

WALK ME DOWN THE AISLE SERIES : Episode 9 : New Home. 12 DAYS

Its 12 days left from today and as I type this piece my mind is singing “12 days of Christmas”. I think I can sing my own remix version of the “12 days of my wedding” today thus…for these 12 days to wedding, my true love said to me, I love you and all will be fine… 🙂

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 I moved into the new flat. Tendai still isn’t here and will only see the flat for the first time on the day she is moving into it and that will be on the 26^th of April 2015…yes in case you still haven’t caught up…we will be officially Mr and Mrs then!!! I have been in the flat for 4 days now and only about 5% of the boxes have been unpacked. I have thought about unpacking but after thinking of how much effort that will take and the high possibility that Tendai may have a different opinion with mine when she comes in so I decided I will rather wait for her so we can unpack together.

In the meantime, I have the couch and bed set up, I also have the TV and DsTV working then in the kitchen, the fridge, kettle and microwave are up and running. This means activities that I can do now includes watch my favourite TV programmes and catch up on news, sleep and yes keep my tea flowing.

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I am a believer in the scripture that says “he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord”. I have indeed found favour from the Lord since I started my walk down the aisle and as I approach closer and closer to the stage and alter, I look at the pew and all I see is friends and family who have stood by me and supported me and us all the way. They have been part of this very eventful walk down the aisle and I certainly will remain eternally grateful to each and every one of them. Their names are being scribbled in gold in my personal hall of fame.

In addition to these great people, I see favour and favour and favour. Indeed this scripture has come alive for me especially these last few weeks when things seem to just crowd my plate and a lot of responsibility needs attention. I still can’t tell how I have managed to meet all the datelines and catch up with all my responsibilities. I have slept less, spent more and still remain fresh and sharp as well as saved more. I keep spending by account balance does not seem to be going down in correlation with the expenditure. I can attribute it to God’s favour. I have found a wife and God has favoured me deeply. Sweet Jesus!!

So as I spend my final couple of days in Cape Town before I commence my trip to Nigeria for the wedding, I am at peace. I am excited and I know that it will be a happy day not because of what we have planned and accomplished, but more because it is a decision I have made. I have decided to be happy come what may. It is my OUR special day, God has blessed it and so long I have Tendai happy and by my side along with friends and family all else can pale into insignificance.

12 days to go and I count my blessings and name them one by one, I am surprised at what the Lord has done and still is doing for me…One week five days to go or 288 hours and I can say I am favoured by God.

WALK ME DOWN THE AISLE SERIES: Episode 8: Tired…but the Journey has begun. – 17 days

I guess I am permitted to feel tired. I have always had deep respect to all those who have planned and executed a wedding but now more than ever before my respect for them has shot right through the roof and now sits at an all time high.

It is exactly 17 days left between now and MY our wedding day. That is two weeks and three days. To make me feel better, 1,468,800 seconds or 408 hours to the day. I feel drained emotionally but my heart beats with excitement. The whole planning period leading up to the day has been a huge emotional investment on my part. It is a very special day and I am determined to make every second of the day a memorable and happy one for me but more especially for Tendai. I know it will mean a lot to her.

As my fingers softly tap on my computer’s keyboard, my mind is still contemplating on final plans and going through all that needs to be done, what has been done and what I need to check up on again. That seems to be the sequence of thoughts that my mind has had on replay recently. I know can understand why some hire wedding planners to plan and execute their plans for the big day. While I can understand why, I thought I can’t do it. I think the wedding day is such a hugely significant and special day in the lives of the couple that the least they can do is to enjoy it fully and this includes the planning phase too and all the excitement and stress that comes with it. Having some stranger or anyone else plan for your wedding robs you off this very significant and part of the wedding. I feel tired and almost spent yes but I won’t have it another way 🙂

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Our trip to Nigeria has started! Yeah…Tendai is currently in Zimbabwe, she will spend time with family while she applies for her visa to Nigeria, I will leave Cape Town to meet up with her at Johannesburg next week then we proceed to Nigeria together for the final 10 days that will lead to the big day. So Tendai is gone this means the journey truly has started…and this is only getting more real.

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Finally I am moving into the flat that is going to be home for Tendai and me. It has been physically tasking for me…so add to the guy low on emotional energy fuel the stress of moving and you have an idea of the state I am now :-). Everything is packed into boxes now thanks to Tendai who saw to it before travelling. The bit that was left unpacked I have used the last few days packing and now I am all but ready to move into the new flat…this flat will be “our home” now that’s new terminology if you get where I am coming from. We even signed the lease contract in both our names!!

Yes, this indeed is getting more real…

I am still tired….

WALK ME DOWN THE AISLE SERIES: Episode 7: It’s getting Real : god-parents and a “surprise party” – 25 days

Yeah its 3 weeks 4 days left and it’s really getting real. I now have this feeling of “can’t wait for this day to come and go” whether that is a good or bad thing I don’t know. But I think it is more as a result of having put in so much into planning for a day and now you get to the point when you are just waiting for the day to arrive…yeah that is where I am at the moment.

Two things happened this past week both pleasantly surprising. First Valo, Tendai’s cousin gave birth to a beautiful baby girl Iyvana on Friday the 20th of March.  It came as a surprise to both of us when she whatsApp Tendai to say she just gave birth, Tendai laughed and said yeah nice joke, you still have a couple of weeks to go. Then Valo sent a picture of the baby and Tendai still thought could be someone else’s baby then she send a picture of herself and then we knew it was true. The baby had come a couple of weeks earlier so took us by surprise but it was a pleasant one.

Baby Iyvana

On Saturday 21st, the happy parents made a request of Tendai and I. They want us to be the god-parents of baby Iyvana. I love the name and its meaning which a little research made me understand has Russian and Hebrew origins and means “Gift of God”(Hebrew) or “God is Gracious”(Russian). I am so specific about names…I think names do have a great influence on how the kid will turn out in life. So I was glad with the name choice by the parents…Iyvana is just an apt name for this princess. We both were so humbled by the request to be god-parents of Iyvana. It was one we could not say no to. Valo is one of Tendai’s sisters who I sort of clicked with even before we met. We connect on level higher than I do with most of Tendai’s relatives. She is also really close with Tendai. Nkulu, Valo’s husband is also very good friends with Tendai so we already had a very good relationship between us prior to now.

When I first heard the request I was quite for a while. I walked into the kitchen and found a couple of unwashed plates and proceeded to wash them…as the water run through my hands into the sink and my hands went through the motions of sponging, scrubbing, rinsing and cleaning the plates, my mind switched into processing mode and I was weighing the implication of saying yes, the responsibilities that come to saying “yes we accept”. I don’t take such responsibilities lightly. I can be that serious sometimes.

I thought of my own god-mother and how she cares for me like her biological son and doing this on a consistent basis, daily…praying ,caring for, encouraging, cautioning me. Now If I say yes then this is what I will expect Tendai and I to do same and even more to Iyvana. It was an emotional moment for me. I know I want to say yes but I had to contemplate carefully all the responsibility that comes with that and also make Tendai understand same before we give a yes. If we know we won’t be able to do that to the best of our ability then there is no point saying yes.

Tendai understood the weight of what we were considering and agreed with me it was immense but confessed her willingness to accept the new responsibility. With this, we called Valo and Nkulu to accept the responsibility. So officially guys I am now a god-father and coming at this time. 3 weeks to my big day only made me realize how real this new territory I am walking into is. Am I excited? absolutely!! I am thrilled and so is Tendai…and so is Iyvana who is so cute by the way…just like her parents and god-parents 😉 I will keep you posted on here on her development. I won’t be seeing her in person for another few months though which is sad as they are in Zimbabwe and with all the plans we have ahead of us, getting a free slot to visit Zimbabwe will take a few months.

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On Saturday the 21st, friends of Tendai in Cape Town decided to throw a surprise bridal shower for her. Since it was a surprise, they needed to rope yours truly in the plans 😀 so that is how I got involved in the plans which began a few weeks ago. My ultimate plan was to deliver Tendai at the venue and make sure up until the last second she remains completely unaware of the plans going on.

Now Tendai has always bragged that I can’t lie to her. She is certain she has known be so well to tell immediately I tell her something that is untrue and to some extent she has proved it to me and I had vowed to prove her wrong at the right time, a promise she had laughed off. So this was a perfect opportunity for me to prove my point and men o men I did a good job! I had to give myself a pat on the back. I sold her a story which she bought easily and swallowed hook, line and sinker!!

Bride to Be

The day came and it was a very successful event. Tendai is still talking about it. She had no idea that was planned and she loved every bit of it. She gave me a 10/10 score for my role too by the way so I have redeemed some of my pride in that department. I understand the friends and family in Zimbabwe are also organizing a bridal shower for her next week when she is suppose to be in Zim. Well, I will keep you posted how that goes.

But on Saturday after dropping Tendai off at the venue and left. It again got me thinking…this is getting real!! the final balls are falling in place and the final phase in this journey has started, its 24 days to go and Bridal shower down. The décor of the venue had “Future Mrs. Wala” written…when I saw pictures it made me smile. For real this thing just got real. I love Tendai and I can’t wait for that day when I shall stand before God and men to declare my love to her and take those vows that will bind us for life!!

WALK ME DOWN THE AISLE SERIES: Episode 6: Bonnievale & Broken pieces of my heart – 31 DAYS

I could not post over the weekend as usual as I was away on a camp somewhere in Bonnievale in a farm called River Goose Camp. It was fun being out in nature, away from internet and electricity and all the noise and “comfort” of city life to just spend time with friends and family.

I was there last year exactly at the same time. The 14th of March is the birthday of Mel who I have come to take as my mum. She loves nature and has always returned to the farm to celebrate her birthday so last year we were there and returned this year again. I made a post here last year when we went. If you missed it, here is your opportunity to catch up, see the post here.

This year we had more friends and family so it was fun. I had a great time and enjoyed the long drive too. Highlight of my weekend was the time spent with the little angel Nina who is just 2. I have not seen such a sweet kid in a long time. so adorable and she is so intelligent, engages in such meaningful talk that left me wondering if she is not way older than her age. Everyone who came for the camp fell in love with Nina.

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It’s exactly 1 month to the wedding. 31 days!!! I am excited about what lies ahead and I write with joy but my joy is not complete. I write this with some pain and half a tear. Perhaps it is the way I am made, maybe it’s a man thing or maybe I am yet to just understand it fully.

I had a chat with a dear friend last week and told her about the wedding (I think she already heard from some friends). I told her and she went quite for a while then said congratulations and later told me things will change and said she is warning me “in advance” to anticipate a weird reaction. She said she was “shocked” by the news and later admitted it’s difficult to remains friends with and watch me build my life.

The discussion left me feeling sad and broken. I love my friends and will always hate to lose any. I spent a lot of time reflecting on my friendship especially with her and kept hearing the word “unfair” ringing in my ears…that was what she said I was…unfair to her…always have been unfair to her.

So as I take my walk down the aisle, I will take these thoughts with me. There will be friends I will love to see around but will see them no more. There are friends I will love to have around in my life but they are leaving and maybe never to return. Life is funny, such a happy phase in my life laced with some bitter flavour. In the course our relationship and planning for the wedding, I have met new friends who have come into my life and made it better. However, I am not faced with the flip side…just as friends come, some are changing and some are leaving. A sad truth which I must accept no matter how unpleasant it sounds. It makes me sad and if only I could change things and keep all my friends happy I will.

I love my friend and it will hurt to see her change and start acting “weird” but for now it is out of my hands. I can only wish for the best…I have searched my conscience and I still can’t figure it all out.

WALK ME DOWN THE AISLE SERIES: Episode 4: A HOME – 46 DAYS

The days are really rolling fast hey! February has gone down in my personal records as one of the fastest 28 days ever! It is already March!!! Here is to a very happy March to you all. I do hope March doesn’t roll as fast as Feb did though :-).

At the top of any couple’s marital plans especially after a wedding is to move into a nice house which they can call home. For those who have ever had to do some sort of house hunting for whatever reason, you will agree with me that this is no small deal.

Tendai and I also have as one of our wishes to move into a nice place that we can call home and we have since started a gradual hunt for such a place in November 2014. Nothing turned up and by January we turned up the heat a bit especially as the lease for where I am staying was due to run out in February 2015. The end of January came and we still had not found a place despite our spirited search.

The agent of my current flat had written to ask if I am renewing the contract and I tried to delay responding hoping to get a place first to avoid the awkward situation where I don’t renew and the contract runs out and we have not found a place. I eventually came clean and told her of our plans and she was so supportive and offered me an option of a monthly contract at the expiration of the 12 months lease I had signed last year. This was such a huge relieve and took off some pressure from our over burdened shoulders.

We kept on with the search though and prayed that God will favour us with a nice place which is affordable too. We got a few rentals advertised and most of them fell either in the category of “too expensive” or “too far” from the area we would love to settle in, those that fell within our bracket of “affordable rates had massive competition. After several hours of drive time, emails, calls and appointed viewings of several flats all ending in rejects or not meeting our specific requirements of our dream 1st flat, we were beginning to get a bit worried.
All this however changed last week Wednesday, two days before we had fixed two appointments for same day to view two different flats at two ends of the city, one in the northern suburbs and the other in the southern suburbs. We started with the Northern suburb…it was a north facing flat on the 10^th floor of a complex and had large glass windows opening to breath-taking ocean views. I fell in love with the flat immediately! It was quite far from the area we had in mind and we will have to battle heavy vehicular traffic daily if we end up there though and I thought if that is the price to pay then I will happily do so. Tendai however had issues. She just can’t handle heights and living on the 10^th floor with such massive glass doors is a nightmare she can’t live with. So we had divided opinions of the flat but agreed to put in an application anyways.

After filling the form and getting all required documents faxed to the agent we headed off to the second viewing which was at the southern suburbs. Before leaving Tendai was tired and suggested we stay back as she remembered our many other applications in the southern suburbs which all didn’t favour us. She was certain there will be a lot of competition too as the rate at which the flat was going for was almost too good to be true. I encouraged her we just go give it a try as we have nothing to lose. As our GPS announced to us “You have arrived at your destination,” Tendai said something is wrong this may be a wrong address because there is no “crowd” as expected. I also thought it is strange as we usually see at least 6 couples waiting at each of the other flats we have viewed. I parked anyways and I looked up to see an elderly looking woman smiling at us. I asked Tendai do you know her. She said no, and we said maybe she is also here to view the flat so we got out and greeted her. She asked if we are here to view as she is the agent. It was the first time we have arrived to find the agent waiting alone.

We went in and this time the flat was on the 2^nd floor and was also a lovely flat. Tendai loved it from the door…it also had a balcony which Tendai had always loved as she wants to grow her potted plants and some vegetables.  So yes we put in an application too…this time we did right there and then as the agent waited…Tendai just didn’t want to lose this flat as I could see from her eyes she would be deeply pained and disappointed to miss out on this. For the rest of that day all we spoke about is that flat and Tendai was already elaborating on her plans for when we move in. It was an older building so had lots of space and Tendai can think of a million ways to utilise all the spaces.

The following day at 12:24, my phone rang, I looked and it was a strange number, I picked and it was the agent for the 2^nd flat…she had been in touch with the owner of the building and the flat is ours if we are still keen to sign the lease contract.

WOW!! I thought so this is how it is…I smiled and said my million thanks and reminded her again how keen we were, we fixed a time and date to meet so we can sign the papers.

This afternoon at midday, we signed the lease contract so come April 2015 we will be moving in to the flat which Tendai and I will be calling home for the foreseeable future. We are both very pleased with the flat and now all the stress of emailing, calling, driving and receiving rejections seem to be a very distant memory.

With one month 15 days left to our big day, we have struck out one more item on our “to-do” list. A home is now sorted and we look forward to the next item to be accomplished.  There is this joy that comes with achieving something…anything, it does not matter the size…just that knowledge and feeling of sharing the victory of achieving something with someone you love is so exhilarating.

Walk me down the Aisle series. Episode 2 It’s Valentine again!! – 63 Days!

Happy Valentine friends, and welcome to the second episode of this series. I was thinking on what to write on that will speak the language of the day as well as address one of the issues I have encountered and experienced in the course of my relationship.

In my search, my mind went back to several months ago, perhaps over a year now. I remembered a post I saw on facebook and how it caught my attention…I could not remember exactly the words used so I did what have become like a habit of mine lately -I googled the bit of phrase I could remember from the post and waalaah!! It appeared. I read it again and still chuckled at the realisation that several months after, the quote still hard the same effect on me.

The quote is by Eric S. Gray “Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit! ”
I read it again and think…so much truth in so few words!

So as I celebrate Valentine this year beside the woman who I have invested little in yet have been reaping tons and tons of goodness, I take time to reflect in the blessing that she is to me and make time to appreciate her even more. But more than that, I also will look inwards and ask myself what can I do better than I am doing now? How can I invest in her even more?

So while I celebrate what is going to be my last valentine day as a bachelor, I continue my count down to the big day. As at today, we are 90,720 minutes away…it other words 1512 hours or 63 days! It is exciting and daunting at the same time (that’s how the heart of a man works), I am happy yet worried, I am looking forward to that day and 9 weeks doesn’t seem such a long time to wait especially considering all I have to get done between today and that day.

I will be spending most of today with Tendai. I however don’t think the day is more special than the rest. I also don’t think it is a day for two people. Love is a universal language and this day should be such, celebrating love and that includes with loved ones and also with everyone out there…this should not just be an activity of one day…it should be our live long calling.Today should be a reminder of that calling on everyone.

This day should remind us of our responsibility to make the world a better place, to show some love on a daily not just one day.

CHINA AND LEIBSTER BLOG AWARD : “11 random facts about myself”

This year is really ending with a BIG BANG for me….So I am having a “double-barrel” post today but I will keep it short so let’s say a Double-barreled-Short-gun!!! 😀. I just got back from China and my experiences will make for some interesting blog posts… I will write about the full gist in a new post soon…I am also heading to Israel in a few days and that again is another series…so see, I got a lot to talk about…y’all just hang on there and enjoy the year-end cruise.

Today is the first time I am checking on my blog since my return from China and I was that I have been nominated for the Leibster Blog award by my very good friend Bluphoenixrebel…I must confess that I can’t hide my excitement So had to do a quick ‘zeal‘ dance steps in my office space which really isn’t strange…in case you don’t know here in South Africa dancing and singing is just normal hey…when we are in a celebratory mood we dance and sing, when we mourn, we dance and sing, when we are protesting against government policies, we dance and sing…we dance and sing about everything and anything and in fact we dance and sing about nothing. Dancing and Singing is a lifestyle here…so when you visit South Africa you know what to expect.

I had to dance when I read my friend’s comment informing me of the nomination…I could not sing however because I use a shared office space and I had to respect others :-). The nomination for the award is conditional though, I have to complete four steps to finally win the award.

1. I need to post 11 random things about myself
2. Nominate 11 other people who I feel deserve this award as well as links to their blogs
3. I also need to go to their page and tell them about the nomination (and procedures)
4. No tag backs! ( I honestly don’t know what this means yet but since I am only concerned in starting with the first step today, I won’t stress about knowing what “No tag backs” mean  🙂 I will get to know about it before I get there).

So here are 11 random things about Me!!

1. The first thing I do when I wake up is to brush my teeth…I don’t speak or eat until my teeth are brushed.

2. I love to travelling…(I have so far visited only 2 (3 if you include Africa where I am from) out of the 7(or 6) continents so I still got a long way to go.

3. I am a late ‘nighter‘….my sleep time is about 2 am at the earliest.

4. My friend Blue who nominated me is among my best friends, I love and cherish her a great deal BUT (…wait for it….) we have NEVER met in real life!!!! I feel I know her more than most of my friends who I live with though…Thank you Facebook and Twitter.

5. I have only been blogging for 2 years now but I have been writing articles and songs since I was 5. I still have some of the newsletter-styled articles I wrote all those year but I don’t have the courage to share them. A large chunk of the articles have been lost though no thanks to moving houses…they are in some pile somewhere in my father’s house but I don’t know where.

6. My fiancée is Zimbabwean and I am Nigerian, we met in Madagascar but now live in South Africa…makes me feel like a true definition of African…my Identity can’t be pegged to one geographic region…if you add the fact that I spent my first formative years in the US …kindly help tell me who am I ? 🙂

7. I love birds…and Music and I are inseparable.

8. I am passionate about Israel and unashamed to be associated with pro-Israel causes.

9. When it comes to Soccer, there are only two teams in the world, (i) Liverpool and (ii) The rest. I support Liverpool and we are the best…#EndOfStory

10. I have always fantasized about possessing some super powers and I really do think I have some.

11. I think my calling in life is to help others even at the expense of myself. I am most at peace and happy when I see a smile on another’s face.

Phew!! now that was not as easy as I thought it was going to be….11 random things took me a little over an hour!! well, there you have it.

Now watch out for my next post about my China experience….and to give you a little here is a photo of me in a Chinese warrior suit…my friend upon seeing the picture said she thought it was a stature of Shaka the Zulu and was wondering what a black stature of Shaka will be doing in China!!

Shaka the Zulu on the Great wall of China